


Sleepless Nights

by Reality_Runaway



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Gen, Guilt, Overthinking, no sleep, old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 07:57:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12883476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reality_Runaway/pseuds/Reality_Runaway
Summary: Jeremy feels guilty about all the terrible things he's done while having his Squip.He also feels the Squip slowly crawling it's way back into Jeremy's consciousness.(This is a very short and old fic. I'll probably never continue it.)





	Sleepless Nights

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the shitty title. I probably won't ever continue this since it's a pretty common storyline in BMC fan fiction. Also this is really old, it was my very first idea for a BMC fan fiction. I probably wrote this back in August, so sorry if it's bad. 
> 
> Nonetheless, enjoy!!

2:24am ... Hugging his legs with one arm and resting his head on his knees, Jeremy stared at the clock on his phone with dark circles under his eyes. He has never been able to sleep when deep regret and guilt lingered in his chest. 

Right now, Jeremy hated himself. He doesn't think he could ever hate himself more than he did now. Maybe that would change if he let more time slide by. It's been what- maybe three weeks after the Squip-Incident? (Or as Rich calls it: The Squipcident) And Michael and Jeremy are back to being best friends. Like they always were. Everything between the two geeky friends is back to normal. 

But for some reason guilt has been slowly eating Jeremy alive. 

Jeremy had already given Michael his apologies though. After the play, after the Squip was finally out of him, Jeremy sincerely apologized to Michael for what he did. For abandoning and mistreating his best friend who never left his side throughout their entire twelve years of friendship. And Michael accepted his apology- the two became friends once again. 

Jeremy still doesn't feel like he deserves to be Michaels friend anymore. Maybe not at all. What Jeremy did, it doesn't feel forgivable. Jeremy knows if he was Michael he wouldn't forgive himself... It's because, the more Jeremy thinks about it- the more he becomes aware of the stupid choices he made when he had the Squip. Thinks of the choices he made, not the Squip, even if the damn supercomputer was still in him. One of those choices was abandoning Michael. 

Well not in the beginning. At first Jeremy actually rejected a ride with Brooke Lohst herself, because of Michael. Then the Squip blocked out Michael for a few days without Jeremy even realizing it. But then Jeremy chose to take the upgrade- he chose to turn optic nerve blocking on. He called Michael a loser, not the Squip. Sure the Squip manipulated him but the fact that he still chose to do those things to Michael feels unforgivable. 

He needs to apologize again. He has to tell Michael the truth about his choices. He can hardly handle the dread and guilt killing him as time passes. Jeremy groans loudly- if only he could get some fucking sleep instead of dwelling on his own stupid mistakes. Then maybe he could actually think about how to apologize to Michael. Again. 

The apology will probably awkward since he waited so long to do it... Again. And Michael would probably hate him for bringing up the topic again. Honestly Jeremy wouldn't be surprised if Michael did know the truth and secretly hated him. He deserves to be hated by Michael. 

"Oh poor you, Jeremy." 

Jeremy shot up straight. What the hell was that? 

{"Pathetic. It's not even been a month and you've already gone back to being a pathetic, insignificant loser." }

Jeremy rubbed his ears and looked around him. He turned on the flashlight on his phone and waved it around his room. Fuck- no no no no no- it is not back. He can't be back. He felt anxiety rise in his chest. He took a deep breath and tried to decide what he should do. 

Should he tell his dad? Maybe he should call Michael. No he couldn't call him- he hasn't proved himself worthy enough to even think about disturbing Michael at this time. After another deep breaths Jeremy decided on hiding under his covers and trying to get some sleep for the rest of the night. 

The Squip was gone. He was just being- ridiculous. He was creating The Squip's voice in his own head. But it wasn't real. It couldn't possibly be. So Jeremy covered his head with his blankets for protection and eventually fell into a slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! While I probably won't continue this, feedback is very much appreciated!! ❤️


End file.
